Just in case you're worried about a hurricane crashing through your town or maybe you're losing sleep over what global apocalypse Donald Trump's next tweet may cause, you can relax now. Costco is here for you. The wholesale store is offering pallets of food that can feed a family of four for up to a year. And at the bargain price of $5,999, you can order online and get free shipping. Free shipping!
Costco says on its website:
Enjoy the comfort in knowing you have the essential foods your family will need to survive an emergency or natural disaster!
As an added bonus Costco will deliver the 1,800 packages of food right to your door and the contents are “packaged discreetly for privacy in shipping.” No one needs nosy neighbors knowing that you have plenty of food when it all hits the fan. Also, no one needs people laughing and calling you a paranoid prepper behind your back. Win-win!
If the cost has you worried, just remember the GOP recently passed a HUGE tax break and, according to House Speaker Paul Ryan, that money is already rolling in. In a tweet that has since been deleted, Ryan bragged that a secretary who earned an extra $1.50 a week could cover her annual Costco membership for the year.
The way we figure those numbers, it should take that secretary just under 77 years to save up enough for a Costco Premium Food Kit for a family of four. If her family is bigger than that? Well, in tough times you have to cut loose some dead weight. Sorry, Grandma. No food for you!
News of the doomsday kits has some folks wondering what Costco knows that we don't:
costco rolling out the doomsday kits is really scary because 1. costco has always been an apocalypse prep store but now they no longer feel the need to hide it and 2. they clearly know something we don't— STRETCH💪: 3 DAYS🚷 (@JLIord) March 9, 2018
No Nathan, you're not paranoid. You're onto them!
Costco just started selling $6000 doomsday food kits, Elon Musk has been selling flamethrowers, and Amazon Alexa's have been laughing acting out of the control of Amazon developers... am I paranoid or uh... are we at the inception of an apocalypse?— NATHAN. (@nathanxia) March 9, 2018
Hey, you gotta have some fun while planning for the apocalypse.
Fun game: watch people come out of Coscto and try to figure out if they're a frazzled parent or a put-together doomsday prepper.— Kate Sidley (@sidleykate) August 29, 2017
Doomsday food *kids* sure are pricey.
Doomsday kids sure are getting expensive.— ScienceBasedSecretSocietyCathⓡⓔⓢⓘⓢⓣ (@C_doc_911) March 9, 2018
I'm skeptical. That would have to be one very large kid.— Frank Anderson (@frankoanderson) March 9, 2018
Some people were not seeing the humor at all — and neither will you when the fire and fury rain down!
If indeed, a time for a need of this kind, is upon us......it would be every man and woman for themselves. It will be a serious battle for survival....and no matter how much food you have....it will become a fight to the death, for others to obtain it.— Sanjosemailman (@SANJ0SEMAILMAN) March 9, 2018
We're pretty sure you can "prep" by going to multiple stores. Who needs one-stop apocalypse shopping?
Ooh... super sleuth-y! We never thought of that.
Oh come on! Who is going to make sure you pay your bill after the world blows up? Pay now or no food for you!
Now's your chance. They even deliver.
First we have to figure out what a BOB is and then we'll figure out what to do with our packages.
Problem is, if it's doomsday, chances are you won't remain in one place very long, at least probably not a year. How are you going to haul 1,800 packages in your BOB's. 🤔— Connie's 140 Characters (@demylenatedaxon) March 10, 2018
Or you could just be like Jessie and use the kit like a normal person.
*Buys Costco’s $6,000 doomsday-prepper food kit to avoid grocery shopping for a year.*— Jessie (@mommajessiec) March 9, 2018