Parents are funny, and prove one must hold on to humor in order to survive parenting. Children are smarter and shadier than we give them credit for and half the things they say and do are gold, whether it be for comedy or blackmail. You have to write it all down. Amazing how that small bundle of joy you began with can be filled with so much enormous drama.
But parents these days are taking names and keeping numbers and it's brilliant! Kids aren't the only ones on social media. Following the daily lives of most parent's remarks is our new "General Hospital." And not only is it funny, there are life tips there too.
Who needs plain old pockets?
2yo referred to her coat pockets as "snack holes" and this is what I shall forever call them— Rebecca Caprara (@RebeccaCaprara) February 23, 2018
Children have such exotic tastes.
My kid’s favorite thing to dip in ketchup is her sleeve.— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) February 25, 2018
Check and mate.
I’m writing down my child’s story in case I ever need to filibuster a meeting.— Jessie (@mommajessiec) February 27, 2018
Who hasn't always wanted to learn a new language.
Toddler: *babbling nonsense*— Unfiltered Mama (@UnfilteredMama) February 24, 2018
Me: Ok, got it!
Narrator: But she did not “got it” And this would make the toddler very angry.
Netflix binging is a this of the past. Take it scene by scene.
Really long movies basically become a miniseries when you're a parent.— Andy Herald (@AndyHerald) February 25, 2018
"Hey maybe we'll finish it by Tuesday."
No more Sun for you!
In possibly concerning news, my pre-schooler keeps telling me to say goodbye to the sun.— dadpression (@Dadpression) February 24, 2018
Wash it all down with some tequila. No shame.
[walking into the Parent Club meeting]— MotherPlaylist (@MotherPlaylist) February 28, 2018
These are my emotional support tacos!
Who doesn't love surprise gifts?
I can’t guarantee much about parenthood, except that you’ll find things hidden in your shoes.— SpacedMom (@copymama) February 27, 2018
Always keep a spare.
Mother buffer: the other mom you bring on a first playdate, just in case the new one is a dud.— Lauren Mullen (@DraggingFeeties) February 27, 2018
It's always good to keep your options open.
My children are very helpful. For example, when I ask them to do something, they suggest a different child that could do it instead.— Abe Yospe (@Cheeseboy22) February 24, 2018
Husbands do tend to die first.
My husband bought our 3y.o. a police light, complete with siren, to attach to his bike, so I guess we're going to need couple's counseling now.— MumMumMommyMom🤦🏻♀️ (@tinyandtired) February 26, 2018
Know yourself. A life essential.
3-year-old: I'm a big sister.— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) February 27, 2018
3: And a little sister.
Me: That's right.
3: And a lizard monster.
Me: Yes. Definitely that.
Kharma is bliss!
"I'M COLD!" yells the teen who is wearing shorts & a tshirt in 40 degree weather & ignored his mother when she said to dress warmer.— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) February 25, 2018
Exfoliating is key to that youthful glow.
I discovered my toddler can moisturize her entire body with a single french fry. How was your lunch?— mark (@TheCatWhisprer) February 25, 2018
Timing is crucial.
Did you know that 2 cups of Rice Krispies can cover an area of over 5 feet? Did you also know that the Krispies can be spilled & crushed in the time it takes an adult woman to pee?— Stephanie Ortiz (@Six_Pack_Mom) February 25, 2018
I do. Now.
Who needs wallpaper? Let's redo the house in tape.
The average child uses 16,000 feet of scotch tape in a day.— your mom (@eff_yeah_steph) February 26, 2018
Think archery. Shoot for the bullseye.
Congratulations on the birth of your son, and your bathroom smelling like urine for the rest of your life.— Real American Dadass (@R_A_Dadass) February 25, 2018
Can't you just chug it straight from the bottle?
The La Brea Tar Pits but it's my kitchen floor after I let the kids pour their own pancake syrup.— Rodney Lacroix (@moooooog35) February 27, 2018
H/T : HuffPost