Being a dad can be rough stuff, heck life itself is rough stuff. But as a father you don't realize what these kids have in store for you until it's too late. However once to do, you take names and a swig of bourbon. Some dads have become outspoken about their day to day by going to Twitter to give a holler about survival and, it's all HILARIOUS!
Shockingly even those of us without child can find a few gems for the everyday life, if we listen close enough. Dads are funny... and wise. Pencils up.
1) Always look for the streaks.
Welcome to parenthood.— A Bearer Of Dad News (@HomeWithPeanut) February 27, 2018
Half your day is spent feeling as though you walked into a sliding glass door you never saw.
2) It's good to know which situations are too dangerous.
My 2-year-old is screaming at the top of her lungs in the next room.— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) February 25, 2018
Either she's being murdered or someone asked her to share a toy.
Whatever. I'm not going in there.
3) Know which doors to keep closed.
4) You have to learn to take life 90 seconds at a time.
Today my 4 year old was so tired she could barely keep her eyes open. Then she slept for 86 seconds in the car and will now be up forever.— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) October 20, 2014
5) Finding patience one nibble at a time is all you've got.
The parenting books never warned me how much of my daughter’s toddler years would be spent waiting for her to finish this grilled cheese.— mark (@TheCatWhisprer) February 2, 2018
6) Hide everything! Keep it all kid hands free.
7) Turn the lights out and run, wisdom is found in the darkness.
And for my next magic trick I'll turn my children into starving, dehydrated philosophers who need to pee a lot, by simply using two magical words, "It's bedtime."— Real American Dadass (@R_A_Dadass) January 25, 2018
8) Live hard, play hard, die hard.
9) Bravo! No need for an encore.
10) Fingers crossed and God speed! The new mantra.
11) If you lay still they may just sniff you and wander off.
My kid's new thing is to have me lay down, cover me in pillows, turn off the light and leave the room. I call this game "my favorite."— dadpression (@Dadpression) February 6, 2018
12) Try to keep up, those punches won't stop coming.
The best thing about parenting is that by the time you learn how a thing works, everything has changed— Dave Learns To Dad (@DaveLearnsToDad) February 6, 2018
13) Everyone needs to be accounted for.
14) Keep your body agile, it may also double be a landing pad.
15) There has to be some sorcery to usurp one's essence.
There needs to be a Robin Hood like person, who steals energy from kids and gives it to their parents.— Real American Dadass (@R_A_Dadass) October 13, 2017
16) Who are you wearing? Why?
17) Just kick everything to the side. You just have to to put it all back anyway.
You know you're a parent when you have to remove the toy boat, 2 trains, the whole foam alphabet, and half a zoo from the bath before you can have a shower.— Jack's Dad (@DaddingAround) February 25, 2018
You know you've been a parent for a while when you just shower with all the crap.#parenting #dadlife
18) Nobody's got answers, 'tis life!