Emotional scenes play out in movies with smooth perfection. Whether it is the flawless, beautiful wedding or an serene and peaceful send off to a dearly departed loved one, but we all know real life is never that way.
Australian writer and host, Mitch Feltscheer, broke the facade and told it like it is in a hilarious Twitter thread about the scattering of his grandmother's ashes. In a story that includes high winds, ladies in heels and a jet ski, Feltscheer takes us on an adventure saying goodbye to Gran.
The hardest I've ever laughed in my entire life was a few years ago at my grandma's ashes scattering ceremony. A Thread:— Mitch Feltscheer (@mitchfel) May 29, 2018
Or as my dad (who was inexplicably in charge of proceedings) described it "everyone grabs a placcy cup and a scoop of grandma and you can go chuck her wherever you want".— Mitch Feltscheer (@mitchfel) May 29, 2018
Grandma's favourite spot by the way, was a clearing atop a headland overlooking beachside cliffs and like literally every other day ever, it was insanely windy up there.— Mitch Feltscheer (@mitchfel) May 29, 2018
Is anyone else getting a bad feeling about this?
I'm talking borderline cyclonic, like, you couldn't even crack open her urn without a bit of grandma escaping and flitting straight into the nearest cousin's face.— Mitch Feltscheer (@mitchfel) May 29, 2018
A new plan was quickly hatched. We'd somehow traverse the cliff face to get down to sea level where it would hopefully be less windy and dad would wade out a few metres and scatter her in the water as we'd watch. Easy.— Mitch Feltscheer (@mitchfel) May 29, 2018
Easy. Famous last word...
After the task of getting a couple of 50 year-old aunties in heels down a steep path (fun!), we gathered in the winter sun and Dad hitched up his pants and awkwardly hobbled out into the sea.— Mitch Feltscheer (@mitchfel) May 29, 2018
Despite the setbacks so far, at this point it was looking like we'd actually salvaged the whole event and we held eachother and looked on as dad yelled back "HERE WE GO!" opening the urn to a sudden explosive gust of wind, ejecting grandma into the air like a firework.— Mitch Feltscheer (@mitchfel) May 29, 2018
At this point my brothers and I are holding in laughter at the absolute scene going down in front of us when suddenly the unmistakeable sound of a jetski rounds the headland and two 20-somethings come gunning straight for where grandma is falling into the sea.— Mitch Feltscheer (@mitchfel) May 29, 2018
Oh God, we can't watch!
They don't just churn through grandmas ashes, they literally chuck a hard turn right in the middle of her, shooting grandma-soup up into the air. I'm pretty sure an aunty literally clutched her pearls.— Mitch Feltscheer (@mitchfel) May 29, 2018
My brothers and I are in physical agony trying not to laugh at this point, as dad comes ambling back to the shore to a dozen or so silent Feltscheers trying to comprehend what just happened.— Mitch Feltscheer (@mitchfel) May 29, 2018
Dad pauses and turns back to the sea. He puts his hands on his hips and with an utterly straight face sighs melancholically and says "Well. She always loved jetskis".— Mitch Feltscheer (@mitchfel) May 29, 2018
And thats how I ended up sprawled on the sand on a Sunday morning, clutching my sides laughing as my dead grandma's ashes get churned out the back of a jetski. FIN.— Mitch Feltscheer (@mitchfel) May 29, 2018
Mitch and his brother weren't the only ones holding their sides.
I haven’t laughed that hard in ages. Thank you, your Grandma, and your Dad.— Meaningful Bling (@MeaningfulB) May 30, 2018
A certain scene from a certain movie came to mind.
Mitch and his family are definitely not alone.
A friend of mine wanted to scatter his late grandma’s ashes on a local pond which was a favourite spot of hers. All was going beautifully until the moment the ashes were scattered, landing delicately on the water, only for a family of ducks to charge over and eat them.— Brian Aris (@brianjaris) May 30, 2018
When we scattered my mom's ashes in the Atlantic, my 9 year old nephew was there, flinging his cup of ashes into the wind. He came running back to my Dad and asked, "Can I have some more?" Our own Oliver Twist.— jaynemorgan (@jemknox) May 30, 2018
Reminds me of my Great Grandads ashes, wheeled my Nan in her wheelchair to a nice spot he liked, few words being said by someone at the crematorium and ashes went free - a big gust of wind took all the ashes back in to the faces of me, my mum and my sister!— ♡ Songbird ♡ (@17yearsago) May 30, 2018
A nice big gulp of Papa Bowden for all 3 of us. We creased up laughing and holding each other - choking with dry mouths...my poor Nan looking on and thinking we were crying. We told her after and she saw the funny side too. Awesome send off, hed have loved it lol— ♡ Songbird ♡ (@17yearsago) May 30, 2018
When my Grandpa died he wanted some of his ashes spread at Cape Hateras bc it was one of his favorite spots. My dad, uncles and some cousins get about waist deep in the water when all of a sudden they start screaming. A horde of jellyfish showed up and stung everyone 😂— laurel (@Mikeliterous) May 30, 2018
Grandma earned some new fans.
OMG! I am dying from laughing so hard!! Grandma's still go it! 🤣❤️— Selina Grissom (@LilRdVet2) May 30, 2018
This is hilarious!! I think Grandma would have even liked this event! Love to you and to laughing together as a family even during a difficult time. 😂😂😂— 🏝 Kate 🏝 (@FactsFactsFact4) May 30, 2018
Well, in memory of your dear grandma, you made people reading your tweets, laugh heartily. Thanks Grandma.— Lavande du Sud (@LLavandedusud) May 30, 2018
i guess it wasn't grandma's favourite spot afterall 😂😂😂🤣🤣— That African mum (@WambuiKibira1) May 30, 2018
With all this love and laughter, it's no wonder people want to be a part of this family.
Your family seems fun, any chance one of them wanna adopt a 20 something? I'm house trained 😛— Atheist Alan (@reason_on) May 30, 2018
R.I.P. Grandma and thanks for the great story.
H/T: Twitter Moments