They say love is a battlefield. They also say kids say the darndest things. Put the battlefield of love with the running mouth of a kid and you get...well, being an adult around kids.
Kids are unapologetically weird as hell and that's so awesome. You truly never know what's going to come out of their mouths. And they have no abashment about saying exactly what's going through their brains.
1. There's lots of poop jokes:
I asked my twin 5 year old nephews to tell me a story today, each choosing one word at a time...— Joel Gorf (@JoelGorf) March 18, 2018
‘There was once a little boy who was a poo who needed a wee and he poo’d out his butt but then he wee’d in his face but didn’t have a toilet so he got covered in poo.’
2. Like, LOTS:
A twelve year old just told me 'love is like a fart: if you have to force it it's probably shit' you're welcome— Kate Walsh (@katewalsh) August 12, 2013
3. They don't get our pretentious adult health trends:
I put cucumbers, lemons, lime, and mint leaves in my water today thinking I was fancy...my one student gonna yell out and say “Ms. Luck got a salad in her water”— autumnpaige (@autumnsays_) March 14, 2018
*students erupt in laughter*
4. But they will not stand for our ignorance in other areas:
*singing to my 5yo* twinkle, twinkle little star. How I wonder what you are— KarateAndPopTarts (@KarenReneK) March 11, 2018
Her: stop. It's a ball of gas.
Her: Science. Stop pretending you don't know what it is.
5. They know how to stand up for themselves:
*6yo daughter getting a little rambunctious at the dinner table*— Jon Ham (@Furdog_08) March 18, 2018
Me- Hey, I asked you to sit down, please. I'm not going to ask again.
6yo- What're you gonna do, call the cops?
6. And they know what they want out of life:
My 9yo daughter wants to be an architect but she's passionate about social issues & she thinks she has all the answers to make Ireland fairer. She said in a resigned way, "I want to be an architect but I guess I'm just going to have to do a term as Taoiseach"— Taryn De Vere (@TarynDeVere) March 16, 2018
In case you need context, the Taoiseach is the prime minister of Ireland.
7. They're really ahead of us on what society truly needs:
7yo, listening to Beatles: "Love is not really all you need. You also need other important things--like healthy food, and a home, and..." 😂— Celeste Ng (@pronounced_ing) March 17, 2018
8. And they need to know how to compartmentalize their information:
8yo and 6yo in a heated discussion on whether leprechauns are elves. After a long while, they consulted Amazon Alexa, who said she didn't know. Consulting Google only confused the issue more because now trolls and gnomes are in the discussion.— Helper Child (@helper_child) March 16, 2018
9. And they won't be told how to live their lives by us bigger kids.
*Quiet Daddy-daughter screen time on Saturday morning*— Richard Dean (@dad_on_my_feet) March 10, 2018
7yo: (watching show on iPad) Daddy, is this too loud for you?
Me: No Sweetheart, but thanks for asking.
7yo: OK. (Pauses) But if it IS too loud, you can just leave the room.#parenting #dadlife #momlife
10. They might be better at telling us how to live our lives, actually.
11. For example, don't interfere with business that isn't yours:
My 5yo to our waiter: "Hey, can I have a yellow crayon?"— Ryan Pollard™ makes stuff. (@rdpollard) March 11, 2018
Waiter: "Oh. A yellow... crayon?"
My wife: "I'm so sorry. We're fine. Thank you. Sorry."
5yo to my wife: "...WHAT WAS THAT?!"
12. And don't be so prescriptive with what holidays mean:
6yo - for Christmas, I would love a Nintendo switch.— Leigh Sales (@leighsales) March 15, 2018
Me - It's Easter first, how about for Easter?
6yo - i'd love a chocolate Nintendo switch.
13. And don't you DARE leave this century:
My 6yo sister was watching cartoons with her eyes filled with tears and when I asked her why’s she crying, she replied ‘Doraemon is leaving Nobita and going back to the 22nd century’ lmaooo!— umar. (@UmarHehe) March 17, 2018
14. And always remember your manners.