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These Tweets About Life In Your 30's Are Far More Relatable Than We Want Them To Be

These Tweets About Life In Your 30's Are Far More Relatable Than We Want Them To Be
3 months ago

Growing up, we distinctly remember our parents obsessing over this show called 30-something. We, being all youthful and naive, thought the show was a ridiculous snoozefest full of situations that would absolutely never apply in our lives. We were going to be great, perfect, super cool parents who never yelled at their kids. Our marriages would be rock solid and never hit any speed bumps. Our friends were going to be total #SquadGoals and we would never bicker or be catty. Money problems? Psh. Get it together, cast of 30-something. We were never, EVER going to have to worry about that. And what was with all of this fatigue? Jeez. 

We were so deeply, undeniably, stupidly wrong and we'd like to apologize. Now that we've hit our 30's we totally get it. 

We're not the only ones. Check out these tweets all about life in your 30's. And yes, before you ask, lots of these hit way too close to home. Some of these are NSFW, but you're going to read this from your desk anyway. We know. 

1. Lost Youth

We had this realization while watching the Troye Sivan video for Youth. When we first heard the song we were feelin' it like:
"Yaaaas, current partner, we are giving all of this youth we currently have to you!"

Then we saw the video and we were pretty sure everyone in it was about nine years old. Nope. Troye is twenty-two. WE are just old. 

2. Message Madness

Remember when that text message wasn't from your phone company reminding you that your bill is about to be due? We vaguely recall that happening sometimes. Maybe that's why we used to like messages? 

3. Dating Drama

Even those of us with kids and who have been married before have exactly zero moments for anyone who isn't down to add to our shine. We got stuff to do and life is short, boo. 

4. "Seasoned" 

They meant full of flavor, right? Guys? We're not up to speed with the slang of the young people. 

5. Twice A Month, Every Month

It's business, it's business time.  You know when I'm down to my socks it's time for business that's why they call 'em business socks. 

6. Well, Now We Know About Chia Seeds

They're a solid source of omega-3 fatty acids to protect from stroke, rich in antioxidants to keep us looking younger, and full of fiber to keep the poop schedule. They've also got iron for our weak old blood, and calcium for these brittle, dusty bones.

7. Decisions, Decisions

The answer, by the way, is to download a remote control app on your phone and then take them out of the remote. 

8. We Really Are Super Fun

We like to think we just take creative license with some due dates. We're artists, after all. 

9. Open Mic Night

Okay but we kill it at Open Arms by Journey and we have a deeply personal spoken word piece about reconnecting with our universal purpose. You'd be into it. Just sayin'

10. Keep Hope Alive

Buy killer heels just in case, though.

11. Honestly, Both

That show pairs best with a white. You don't want to spill a red on your yoga pants while you sob. 

12. Returning To Childhood Wisdom

The answer is that you should buy NO cats. Adopt or rescue one cat... or seven cats.

13. This Is A Lie

You also get to dance while waiting in line to use the bathroom again thanks to your impossibly weak bladder. 

14.  We Sit Around Wondering What The Heck Our Parents Were Thinking.

They married in their early 20s? We can't even commit to a hair color, much less a life partner. 

15. We Got This ... Maybe

Thanks. We kinda needed that encouragement.

16. Oh We Know That Album

This single was a little more popular than "Everything Suddenly Gives Me The Sh*ts (We Wish That Asterisk Was An O)

17. Doggo > Drunko

Give us a pup and a locally brewed craft beer. Now THAT is a party. 

18. That Hurts

Um, rude. We have always had sensitive tummies, okay? 

19. Too Tired To Sleep

We hear good things about Zzzquil, too. And whiskey. We hear a lot of good things about whiskey. 

20. This Anthem Is So Real - Not Just For Women

We sing it to our partners, the mirror, our actual children ... oh wait.

21. Oh God Yes

Couldn't this have been handled in an email?  Will there be food at least? Will it be good food or is Carol bringing those stale discount donuts again?

22. New Career Goals

That's called blogging. 

23. Is It Over Yet? 

Our feet hurt and it's uncomfortably loud. We can't even hear you talk. We gotta go, our cat needs her insulin. 

24. This Isn't How We Planned It

Same, Brittany. Same. 

25. It's Right There

We pinned it right next to that video about how much we hate people who say "suppose-ably"

26. The Edgiest Edge

Will we be able to sleep tonight? Will there be coffee poop? Stay tuned...

27. Cat Lady

Um, actually... walking cats is a great way to safely get them  some exercise. We saw it on Animal Planet. 

28. Oh God No

Is someone going to talk to us? Ugh. Nobody talk to us unless you're going to offer to buy us hot wings. Is there even food here?

29. In A Nutshell


30. The Ghost Of Weekends Future

But, real talk, if you sleep past 9 you end up having to deal with lines everywhere and then you waste your whole day!