Pamela Connolly is a sex expert hired by The Guardian to write a weekly column answering reader's questions about sex and the strange things surrounding it. This week's column, however, was a little more embarrassing than usual. A man wrote in to Ms. Connolly with a dire concern: his girlfriend keeps sending him off to the shower so she can masturbate after they've had sex. Why could she possibly be doing this?!
Here's his question:
I have been in a relationship for nine months. I thought the sex was good for us both, but when we finish she tells me to shower. I wondered why, and now I know – she masturbates. She has done it multiple times; I think she is insatiable. What should I do?
Connolly's advice: do nothing.
According to the sex-pert:
Do nothing. Have your shower and let her get on with it. Such behaviour is very common and you need not worry that she secretly dislikes making love with you.
Many women crave a second orgasm, especially if she has been super-aroused during intercourse.
Readers didn't seem to agree with the Guardian's author, however. Most people in the comments seemed to believe the man's girlfriend was masturbating so she could have a first orgasm, rather than her second or third.
As one commenter wrote:
That, to me, says that she isn't climaxing. He 'thought' the sex was good. But have they really talked about it, or is he just assuming because she hasn't complained? Communication seems to be a major problem in some relationships, because of embarrassment maybe, but you probably shouldn't be having sex with someone if you can't talk to them about it.
Also, if the answer to 'Did she come?' is 'I think so' – that's probably a no.
Twitter agreed with this assessment:
The author of the question remains anonymous in the column, but his concerns quickly went viral and there's no doubt he's seen the myriad posts telling him what's what.
Q: "Why does my girlfriend masturbate after sex."— Genie Lauren (@GenieLauren) March 5, 2018
A: Because she's not having an orgasm with you, so she has to get one without you. DUH.
Perhaps we shouldn't be too hard on the boyfriend, however. Studies have confirmed time and time again that many women don't orgasm through vaginal sex alone - 82% to be exact.
Really, it's about communication...
And she needs to let him know. Teamwork makes the cream the work— A Born Again Hooligan (@KwabSiCC) March 5, 2018
Connolly said about as much in her column:
Many people – male and female – find the type of orgasm they have during masturbation (for women, often clitorally focussed) to be qualitatively different from what is experienced during lovemaking. They find masturbation produces a deeply satisfying orgasm without the anxiety that can accompany partner sex.
Some women want a clitoral orgasm as well as a vaginal orgasm so she might be getting one but not the other but they’re is a slight chance she’s getting none at all— CAIN ✌ (@EMCEECAIN) March 5, 2018
It seems that, for now at least, the jury is still out as to the boyfriend's bedroom skills, though there's one thing everybody agreed on: you've got to communicate with your significant other!
Everyone's body is different, and talking openly about your desires will lead to better sex.