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Scientists Have Discovered Four Different Kinds Of Drunks--And We Definitely Know Which We Are

Scientists Have Discovered Four Different Kinds Of Drunks--And We Definitely Know Which We Are
6 months ago

Scientists are working on some truly marvelous things nowadays. For instance, the University of Missouri at Colombia published a study (through Addiction Research and Theory) which categorizes drunk individuals into 4 distinct categories. 

The study interviewed 374 undergraduates from a large university and asked "In the past 30 days, how many times have you had five or more drinks at a single sitting?" They chose 5 drinks as their threshold because other studies have shown it to be associated with alcohol related harm such as drunk driving and personal problems. The students were then asked "In the past 30 days, when you were drinking alcohol, how many drinks did you usually have on any one occasion?" The scientists then took these results and placed the students into 4 categories associated with a character from popular culture.

40% of students studied were found to be Ernest Hemingways. While Hemingway loved to drink, he also had a very high tolerance for his liquor. People classified as Hemingways show almost no change in personality when they imbue. 

Everyone's favorite drinker is probably the Mary Poppins. This well-mannered nanny is polite, kind, and warm to everyone she meets, and her drunks are correspondingly sweet. The more these people drink, the nicer they get! You know what they say - a spoon full of whisky helps the medicine go down!

Many of the best stories are generated by the Nutty Professors among us. Not unlike Eddie Murphy's role in the movie, for these drinkers alcohol is almost like a special potion that brings out their extroverted side while causing them to abandon inhibitions and go a little...well...nuts.

Finally, there's the drunk we all fear: Mr. Hyde. Simply put, these Jekyll's drink a draught that turns them into monsters. The survey describes them like this:

Particularly less responsible, less intellectual, and more hostile when under the influence of alcohol.

So which one are you? Be honest, Hydes of the world. Not everyone can be a Poppins.

H/T - Indy 100, Time