Everyone has had bad dating stories, especially with the advent of online dating apps, but Liam Smyth definitely has you beat for the worst dating experience ever.
Smyth's Tinder date started out innocently enough. He took his date to Nando's restaurant where they were apparently having a "lovely evening." They then decided to go back to his place to watch a documentary and drink some wine. That's when things started to get real weird. Real fast.
"About an hour in to Louis Theroux and chill, my date got up to use the toilet. She returned with a panicked look in her eye, and told me she had something to tell me."
"I went for a poo in your toilet", she told me "and it would not flush. I don't know why I did this, but I panicked", she continued "I reached into the toilet bowl, wrapped it in tissue paper, and threw it out of the window".
"I was understandably concerned, and told her we would go outside, bag up the offending poo in the garden, bin it, and pretend the whole sorry affair had never happened. Unfortunately, owing to a design quirk of my house, the toilet window does not in fact open to the garden, but instead into a narrow gap of about a foot and a half, separated from the outside world by another (non-opening) double glazed window. It was into this twilight zone that my date had thrown her poo."
Smyth didn't think there was any other way to clean the window, but by breaking the window with a hammer. So, he went to go grab one from a roommate and when he came back he saw his date had a plan of her own.
"Being an amateur gymnast, she was convinced that she could reach into the window and pull the poo out, using the tried and tested "inside out bag as glove" technique. Unfortunately she couldn't reach. She climbed further in and had the same problem. Eventually I agreed to give her a boost up and into the window. She climbed in head first after her own turd, reached deeper into the window, bagged it up, and passed it out, over the top and back into the toilet from whence it came. She called out to me to help her climb out from the window, I grabbed her waist and I pulled. But she was stuck. Stuck fast. Try as we might, we could not remove her from the window. She was stuck fast, upside down in the gap."
After she was stuck for about fifteen minutes he became concerned for her health and called the fire department.
"Bristol's finest were on scene sirens blairing in a matter of minutes. Once they had composed themselves after surveying the scene in front of them, they set to work removing my date from the window using all of their special firemen hammers and tools. It took them about 15 minutes."
To remove the woman, they did have to break the window, hence Smyth launched a GoFundMe page to raise the money to replace the window.
Users on GoFundMe helped him raise his goal for the new window in under 24 hours!
No news yet if they are going to see each other again, but one thing is for sure -- it certainly turned into a dating experience neither of them will soon forget.