Forget pepper spray or emergency whistles. If you're about to be assaulted in a dark alley, Energy Secretary Rick Perry has the solution for you: fossil fuels. In an energy policy discussion on Thursday, Perry began recounting his recent trip to Africa. What may have started as a coherent thought about global energy strategies soon unraveled after Perry revealed his central thesis — fossil fuels prevent sexual assault.
Perry was confirmed as Energy Secretary in March, replacing nuclear physicist Dr. Ernest Moniz. While many questioned appointing the former Presidential candidate, who once suggested abolishing the Department of Energy, outside-the-box thinking like fending off would-be attackers with a gallon of premium unleaded is sure to silence any critics.
Who knew that it was LIGHT that would stop sexual predators dead in their tracks?— Jessica (@jessicasunja) November 2, 2017
Does sunlight stop em? Like vampires. Only fossil fuel produced electric light or can I use batteries? What about candles...from a church?— Darren Lee (@DarrenDLee) November 2, 2017
Oil, gas and coal industries save us! (from rapists)— James BOO Perkins (@opalmirror) November 2, 2017
... said no one ever
... oh except...
Not just any light will do- fossil fuel generated light eliminates 40% more sex predators than solar!— jaysones (@jaysones) November 2, 2017
The man who oversees America's nuclear arsenal was once a contestant on DWTS. Are we surprised by this?— caraelysse (@caraelysse) November 2, 2017
I just...have no words. I fled Texas when he was Governor and haven't forgotten how stupid he is; but, THIS is a new low.— Laura Miers (@LauraMiers) November 2, 2017
Funny coming from somebody with the lights on and nobody home— RaPUNzel (@RandilynIsIn) November 2, 2017