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Rick Perry Suggests That Fossil Fuels Can Prevent Sexual Assault, But Twitter Isn't Having Any Of It

Forget pepper spray or emergency whistles. If you're about to be assaulted in a dark alley, Energy Secretary Rick Perry has the solution for you: fossil fuels. In an energy policy discussion on Thursday, Perry began recounting his recent trip to Africa. What may have started as a coherent thought about global energy strategies soon unraveled after Perry revealed his central thesis — fossil fuels prevent sexual assault. 

Turns out leaving coal in your stocking was Santa's way of keeping you safe.

I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul. 


Perry was confirmed as Energy Secretary in March, replacing nuclear physicist Dr. Ernest Moniz. While many questioned appointing the former Presidential candidate, who once suggested abolishing the Department of Energy, outside-the-box thinking like fending off would-be attackers with a gallon of premium unleaded is sure to silence any critics.

Remember this?

Twitter users seemed skeptical that the glow of fossil fuels would save anyone from being assaulted:

Maybe British Petroleum will announce a second Gulf oil spill as part of a "Sexual Assault Prevention Initiative"?

H/T - Twitter, The Hill